born in 1979, i'm just another member of Generation X.
i live by the sea in a rainy part of Western Europe.
i blog here to clear the thoughts from my mind.
Posts tagged: depression
1. I don’t deserve to be happy.
2. It’s selfish to want to be happy, or to prioritise your own happiness.
3. Others will find me irritating, and won’t want to be around me.
4. If I’m happy something bad will happen.
5. People will think I am superficial or not very smart. They won’t take me seriously.
6. I’d be happy if only I could have ….
7. Other people, or external circumstances, determine my level of happiness.
8. Misery’s more comfortable than happiness.
don’t fall into these traps. always question yourself. and if number 8 strikes home, get out of your miserable comfort zone…
“@MIAWCanada:“If someone survives cancer, they are a hero. If someone survives a mental illness, they overcame weakness.” - CMHA #EndStigma”
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Interviewer:
Give us your best tip for overcoming depression.
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Stephen Fry:
To regard it as being like the weather. It's not your responsibility that it's raining, but it is real when it rains, and the fact that it's raining does not mean that the rain is never going to stop. The only thing to do is to believe that, one day, it won't be raining and accept it so you can find a mental umbrella to shield yourself from the worst. The sun will eventually come up.
![mindovermatterzine:
MIND OVER MATTER ZINE CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS
Are there things that you feel you cannot say to your mental health provider? (doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist, counsellor etc).
If you don’t have a mental health provider, why not? What would you say to them if you did?
Get it off your chest by submitting a short (500 word max) account at mindovermatterzine.tumblr.com/submit
This can be done completely anonymously, or with your name and age to identify you.
DEADLINE END OF APRIL.
Please reblog and help spread the word!
[Flyer kindly designed by Dom of V Revolution]
signal boost - might be a useful confessional for someone?](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m13qhbMcZN1qecizro1_r1_500.jpg)
MIND OVER MATTER ZINE CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS
Are there things that you feel you cannot say to your mental health provider? (doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist, counsellor etc).
If you don’t have a mental health provider, why not? What would you say to them if you did?
Get it off your chest by submitting a short (500 word max) account at mindovermatterzine.tumblr.com/submit
This can be done completely anonymously, or with your name and age to identify you.
DEADLINE END OF APRIL.
Please reblog and help spread the word!
[Flyer kindly designed by Dom of V Revolution]
signal boost - might be a useful confessional for someone?
bumped into my mum on her lunch break there, was talking to her about seeing my counsellor, i don’t think she understands that it’s good for me, i think she’s more concerned that i’m having problems. saw her on mothers’ day, but i was depressed and not hiding it and i wouldn’t have left the house, but that it was mothers’ day and felt i had to. i dunno, it just makes me feel worse when i see it affecting her, she looks sad when i talk about being depressed. and she gives me a hug when i’m leaving if we have been talking about that too. she’s not an affectionate person, though she’s softened up since i was a child, can’t remember her ever hugging me before the past few years since i told her i wasn’t doing well. relatively speaking, i’m doing better, i mean, i was at the catatonic stage before seeing the doctor and getting meds and well before seeing the counsellor. now, i dunno, things have flattened out, but i’ve been feeling deflated or defeated or something again. maybe i’ve just not been feeling the “ups” so much.
my mum suggested that i should be socialising more. she’s probably right, i don’t do anything socially. i told her about going out the other week there and how it was a fuckup and ended up going back to the drug party. i don’t even know why tbh, i doubt it helped anything. i don’t think she can relate to me or my life. i don’t think she understands mental health or depression or any of it. she definitely doesn’t recognise any of my dad’s problems or behaviours as mental health issues. she’s still angry with him, though it’s more like a resigned sort of malaise now. and doesn’t recognise that her interactions with him are part of the problem.
i feel so useless these days. i’d like to be a functioning person again, please. and i feel like i’m wasting my counsellor’s time because i can’t do my homework and i’m not following the advice that seems so logical when i’m discussing things with her. i’ve a feeling today might be written off as well.
In the past, I listened to my brain all of the time. If my brain came up with a reason why I shouldn’t do work right now, I would listen to it, and not do work. And then later when it came up with a reason why I was a failure because I hadn’t done any work, I’d listen to my brain and react to it, to try to be certain I wasn’t a failure. I was always reacting to the intrusive thoughts in my brain. That took me further and further from being who I knew I was. I believed I had to react to the anxious thoughts in my brain.
That caused an enormous amount of stress and anxiety related to how I was spending my time. Reacting to the thoughts that I was wasting my time, and trying to make up for that, has the same result than any attempt to control anxiety has: more anxiety and more uncertainty and an even greater sense of failure and laziness.
Getting over that has been all about ignoring my brain. I fired it. It was a terrible employee. I wasn’t lazy. My brain was lazy. When I act according to my values instead of reacting to my brain, I’m so much happier with what I do and I can get astronomically more work done.
Brains are selfish. They literally do not have your best interests in mind. Articulate your values and let them guide your actions.
- Mark
bedtime braindump.
- it was great to watch the sky and full moon last night, the sky was quite clear when i started looking at the moon and by the end the sky was almost covered. there’s something about watching clouds drift past the bright, full moon.
- i have to keep telling myself i did the right thing for myself by leaving that band. most days i spend some time feeling bad about it but remember that it’s not my fault or problem now. it’s not a big deal. it’s not like i ruined a grown man’s life by saying i couldn’t keep playing in his band. but that’s the way it seems that he’s taking it… i need some time to forget about it i suppose.
- seeing my counsellor tomorrow… really should have spent some time going through my workbook, asdflkjsldkfj, yes i know i should probably not put pressure on myself and not feel bad about it. the homework for tomorrow is, i think, to write up ways that i’ve demonstrated positive attributes in myself over the past few weeks. jfdslakljfsdkladfs. at least i’m recognising that i have some positive attributes, right? fucking self esteem aslfdkjlalkjf…
- work. has been good, getting busier, getting complimented on my work and skillz and shiznik, starting to feel kinda happy about it again. a year ago i was ready to close up cos i thought i sucked (i probably sucked a bit less than i thought, but yeah, i did kinda suck). feels like maybe i got over that hill, still trying to up my game though (as always, i guess)…
- i never told you guys, i went on a wee overnight trip to a hotel round the coast last friday with L, we had dinner there, went out to a bar, had a smoke, then back to the hotel… *cough*
- oh yeah, i either have a chest infection or smokers’ cough.
- i need to have some sort of plan for my weed usage. (he says while skinning up). went from saying i’d only smoke at weekends like a month ago to smoking every afternoon again recently. today i started kinda early cos i was feeling depressed, it didn’t help, i felt worse and went back to bed. may need to increase my venlafaxine dose again so i can cut down on smoking… yes, i realise how lame i sound. i thought i might smoke less since leaving the band, but temptation is always there in the form of my stoner studio assistant… and it takes the edge off things when i’m down, i need a substitute, should start doing exercise instead…
- kony 2012… i’m dubious about the whole thing. remove a leader, another will take his place. you need to remove the conditions that lead to this scenario, not start another war. i agree that the warlords like him all over africa need to be taken down, but the “america will save the world (with expensive explosives)” mindset doesn’t do it for me. forgive me for not suggesting a better solution right now though.
i should probably do my homework now. xx rx
